my own personal sideshow
my mother was born in october
on a chilly night at the end
when everyone stared at the sky
and wondered about more
with that wild grin and
smart outfit
is there anything you've found
that will guide you?
I was raised in a place of enhancement
where everything shined
a bit more than it should have
where everyone knew
all the secrets we kept
and they shared only when it'd help them
which was always
those creatures sharing always
it was a place
where people were small
and their minds were smaller
where fresh air was part of the deal
and every climbed mountain
had been climbed before
where the wildlife was free to eat lawn chairs
where mistakes
that you made
when you're only 5 years old
are held against you 'til you're ancient
and everything's written in the yearbook of mind
and the fiction mutates into truth
I want to sparkle one day
and grow up and care about everything
but i'll leave when it's half done
and leave when i find you
and i'm left in pieces wanting everything
i can't have
every night i wish i had the courage to get high
and forget that i'm real
like fireworks in the summer
and i want to stay here all day
staring at you
and answering your questions about my personal
circus
it's so easy for you to walk by
and smile into the window
and whisper that you care about me
how i care about you
and you make it so easy to laugh
and you make it so easy to cry
you haunt the thoughts i have
and the ones i've had
the first reference to this map of me
where my grampa can't remember me
and his wife long gone
the one who quietly left
who escaped her dusty body
that didn't have the strength to keep her in anymore
like a swinging trapeze these parts are clear
then not
close and then
so far
so far
one sunny day in the winter
i'll have the strength to promise me to you
and maybe you'll agree to have me
and stare at me
and not at the sky
but you leave when you've found me
and broken me into a thousand
shivering pieces
you grind up my defenses
and sleep in my bed
next to me
without contact
Do you believe i've never seen a firefly
or the world?
or the coast of the country that holds me?
i used to be a beautiful version
of me
now the only i i am is
gone with all of my make-up on
but i'm hiding under the bed
so there's the gunshot
hit the gas
go go go
you leave such a mess when you go
on paper you're the flawed one
in reality you've curried favour
and heart
and this honesty pulled from me
that was so unexpected
but necessary
so what i want to do is capture your attention
and grin at you until my sides hurt
and i feel like i'm going to puke
i just need to shake the inspiration that sucker-punched me
it rushed into my bones
i can feel you in my feet and in my toes
you were not a surprise
i can't underline you
enough
or maybe yjntim.
and their minds were smaller
where fresh air was part of the deal
and every climbed mountain
had been climbed before
where the wildlife was free to eat lawn chairs
where mistakes
that you made
when you're only 5 years old
are held against you 'til you're ancient
and everything's written in the yearbook of mind
and the fiction mutates into truth
I want to sparkle one day
and grow up and care about everything
but i'll leave when it's half done
and leave when i find you
and i'm left in pieces wanting everything
i can't have
every night i wish i had the courage to get high
and forget that i'm real
like fireworks in the summer
and i want to stay here all day
staring at you
and answering your questions about my personal
circus
it's so easy for you to walk by
and smile into the window
and whisper that you care about me
how i care about you
and you make it so easy to laugh
and you make it so easy to cry
you haunt the thoughts i have
and the ones i've had
the first reference to this map of me
where my grampa can't remember me
and his wife long gone
the one who quietly left
who escaped her dusty body
that didn't have the strength to keep her in anymore
like a swinging trapeze these parts are clear
then not
close and then
so far
so far
one sunny day in the winter
i'll have the strength to promise me to you
and maybe you'll agree to have me
and stare at me
and not at the sky
but you leave when you've found me
and broken me into a thousand
shivering pieces
you grind up my defenses
and sleep in my bed
next to me
without contact
Do you believe i've never seen a firefly
or the world?
or the coast of the country that holds me?
i used to be a beautiful version
of me
now the only i i am is
gone with all of my make-up on
but i'm hiding under the bed
so there's the gunshot
hit the gas
go go go
you leave such a mess when you go
on paper you're the flawed one
in reality you've curried favour
and heart
and this honesty pulled from me
that was so unexpected
but necessary
so what i want to do is capture your attention
and grin at you until my sides hurt
and i feel like i'm going to puke
i just need to shake the inspiration that sucker-punched me
it rushed into my bones
i can feel you in my feet and in my toes
you were not a surprise
i can't underline you
enough
or maybe yjntim.
