the sinking

I remember this time I told myself not to fall in love with you
and you convinced me to think with my heart not my head.
You worked so hard for me to believe you, we planned plans and made promises and then you left me for your ex.

And I found out, on my own, on the fucking internet.

I talked myself into believing that the last month of spotty conversation and strange vibes was due entirely to your illness and need to be angry about your declining health. I talked myself into believing I was being too sensitive, reading too far into things. I was wrong to do that because I was right that you were lying.

This is not a mistake I will ever make again. This is the last time I trust anyone with my heart. And I'm not going to think with anything but my head ever again.

concrete oak

my heart is big and hard and heavy
and when it feels lighter
it hurts more when it sinks
and I have to repair the cracks and refortify
without knowing if this was the last storm
or if the ship will come home.