Being this perpetually single girl isn’t as much fun as people seem to believe it is. I’m constantly approached as a possible instrument of sexual favors which only seems to enhance my singleness when I decline to participate. Honestly, as attractive as you are, your slurred proposition does nothing but make me think I’m worth only what someone will try to convince me of; in most cases, that you’ll “run [my] show”.
Recently, I have begun to believe that people have no recollection of their words or actions when they are drunk, and since I’m only surrounded by functioning alcoholics, deadbeats, and assholes, I am therefore completely on my own.
And as much as I would love to have free and casual sex with someone other than myself, my aloneness hinders my self-esteem to the point of absolute self-disdain.
In the last few weeks, I’ve been told the following:
- You’re beautiful
- You’re sexy
- You’re incredible
- You’re an amazing girl
- I really, really like you
- I’d do anything for you
- I want to take you home with me
- I’ll come in and ask you out when I’m sober
- I’ll give you the time of your life
All hollow; all drunkenly sincere but not soberly repeated. I’d love to believe these things to be true, something more easily done were it not for the fact that I’m only comparatively prettier than my co-workers (all of whom have long-term boyfriends) and the only sober girl in the room.
All of the women I work with, while they are half my size, complain to me about their obesity. I’m by no means thin, but neither am I fat. I should lose 40 pounds, though. I’ll not eat, then I’ll be better. I’ll be able to attract someone for keeps. I’ll be immensely successful.
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