Although my staked claim is implied...

I wish I'd never brought it up

That I'd never felt the need

If everything were the same as it was before the end of that night

Then maybe I wouldn't hate it here so much

And maybe I'd have it in me to say "yes" to someone

But as it stands, all I know is "no"

And all I can do is laugh at any offers

Because, seriously, what's the point?

When all I think of is you

And all I want in my head is you

Even though my head knows it's not good or okay

The part of me that applies pressure on your behalf is choking me into

Deadness

And awkwardness

And ambivalence.

So how many genies will it take to make it all go backward?

Or to stop my heart from growing around you over and over again?

Or to make you less appealing than I find you?

I don't want you, but maybe that's the logic talking and I've tripped up again, letting myself stay in the same room as you for longer than a greeting and a farewell take.

It's like I overstayed my welcome in this room

With you here and all of your secrets.

I know them, by the way.

I hear about your things.

The things you don't tell me to spare my feelings.

But it may make it worse;

I'm not sure yet.