trying to slog through

The weight of this is wearing me down.

I don't know how much longer I can carry it.

Why can't everything either be easy or stopped completely?

I don't want to cry anymore.

I don't want to wait anymore.

I don't want to be anymore.

What's the point of all of this if I don't enjoy anything?

I haven't laughed in so long I might have forgotten how.

And if I haven't forgotten, I'll feel guilty about it because it will mean I've let my guard down, that I've let something affect me.

I have a list of things I need to do and I'm almost done.