Why can't I just say, "I'm so sorry. You're right"?
Why not this time?
Because I'm ashamed of myself?
I have this immediate refusal to make amends here. Like to do it would be to give up some power, and I don't want to want to keep this power, but I do. And I'm holding on to it so closely, I can't even see what is slipping away, what I'm losing over these stupid things I have done. My knuckles are clenched white and my eyes are closed tight and I'm screaming to block out the sounds everyone is making.
I take every opportunity to make it about how *I* have been slighted. How *I* have been hurt. How *I* am the one who deserves the apology.
My stubbornness won't let go though.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
Even though I know I'm wrong.
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